Lance The Cyberwolf

S.O.N. Researchers Log:
This specimen has requested that I lend control of this article to it. It currently has me at gun point with what appears to be a weaponized glue gun, so my options are limited at the moment.

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MORE LIKE LIMI-TIED! GET IT?! YOU'RE TIED TO A CHAIR!

HEYA! THE NAME'S LANCE! ANYWAY, TIME TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!

GODHOOD FOR DUMMIES
NOW, THIS MAY BE HARD FOR SOMEONE WITH YOUR MENTAL CAPACITY TO GRASP, BUT I AM BASICALLY YOUR GOD. I SMITE MY ENEMIES AND I DON'T REWARD MY "FRIENDS"/MINIONS/PETS. I GOT THIS WAY BECAUSE SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO HIRE SOMEONE ELSE FROM DEVIANTART AS MY DESIGNER/CREATOR. I HAVE SPENT THE PAST TWENTY-ODD YEARS SHOWING THEM WHY IT WASN'T. NOW I'VE MANAGED TO GET MYSELF ASSIGNED TO A TEAM OF LOSER TEENAGERS PRETENDING TO BE OPERATIVES, WHICH BY THE WAY WAS EASIER TO DO THAN IT SHOULD'VE BEEN. I GUESS PLOT HAS TO BE MOVED ALONG SOMEHOW.

HOW GREAT I AM
I AM THE GREATEST THING YOU'LL EVER MEET, IN FACT YOU WILL BE SO AMAZED BY MY AMAZINGNESS, YOU'LL FIGHT THE URGE TO KNEEL BEFORE ME, MY ADVICE IS TO NOT FIGHT IT AND JUST KNEEL.

FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE WITH ME, IF BY EVERYWHERE YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE INSIDE A CARDBOARD BOX, WHERE YOUR SOLE PURPOSE WILL BE TO GIVE ME COMPLIMENTS.

AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M NOT JUST CHARMING, I'M HUMBLE TOO!

MY SUPERIOR LOOKS
WHENEVER I MEET ONE OF YOU HUMANS, IT IS ACTUALLY CHALLENGING FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES YOU REMOTELY ATTRACTED TO EACHOTHER. LITERALLY ALL OF YOU LOOK THE SAME TO ME, EFFECTIVELY MEANING ALL YOUR CIVIL CONFLICTS ARE IRRELEVANT. BEAUTY PAGENTS ARE ESSENTIALLY WHICH OF YOU LOOKS DIFFERENT ENOUGH THAT YOU'VE MISCONSTRUED IT AS ACTUAL ATTRACTIVENESS.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE INSTEAD OF CHECKING THE PICTURE LIKE SOMEONE WITH HALF A BRAIN WOULD DO, ALLOW ME TO OBLIGE. I HAVE FLOWING LONG RED HAIR, MY SKIN A PIGMENT OF ROYAL BLUE, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN I'M A SUPER-SAIYAN WITH HOW MY HAIR CONSTANTLY STAYS IN THE SAME POSITION. ALWAYS. I THINK I HAVE HUMAN SOULS INSIDE ME LIKE THOSE FIVE DAYS AT CHEESY CHUCKS GAMES OR WHATEVER.

ONE PART OF ME HOPES THAT HALFWAY THROUGH THAT YOU REALIZED I WASN'T TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, THE OTHER KNOWS YOU'RE PROBABLY STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IT. THE MORAL HERE IS YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE, AND THAT I'M THE REASON YOUR TEACHER'S THINK WIKI'S ARE UNRELIABLE.

WHY I MAKE GOKU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE GLITCH
I AM LITERALLY THE PRODUCT OF A SCIENTIST WHO COULDN'T LET GO OF HIS MIDDLE SCHOOL PHASE, THEREBY MAKING ME THE AMALGAMATION OF HIS CRUSHED CHILDHOOD ASPIRATIONS. WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU, IS THAT I AM A WALKING REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE SOMEONE LIKE THAT ACCESS TO THE MOST EXPERIMENTAL AND HI-TECH MACHINERY AT THE TIME. I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN I COULD BLOW UP THIS PLANET, THE NEXT ONE, AND THE ONE FIVE GALAXIES OVER, ALL IN THE SAME DAY. I CAN LITERALLY JUST MAKE ANY WEAPON I WANT, SUCH AS THE DUCK-IT-LAUNCHER ( IT'S A BAZOOKA WITH A RUBBER DUCK ATTACHED TO IT. DON'T ASK WHY.) MY ONLY LIMIT IS THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION.

HERE'S A LIST SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND:

- FLYING

- BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, YES IN THE MARY-SUE KIND OF WAY

- ANNOYING MY BOSSES

- ANNOYING MY MOM

- ANNOYING EVERYONE IN GENERAL

- HAVING ACCESS TO THE INTERNET 24/7 IN MY HEAD.

- NUKES, NUKES AND MORE NUKES

- I'M WHY ALIENS NEVER COME TO EARTH, I'M TOO STRONG FOR ANY OF THEM.

- THE LAWS OF PHYSICS ARE AFRAID OF ME AND THUS DON'T APPLY.